Internal, external, dual, oh my!
How to Find the Perfect Sex Toy For Your Body
We’re living in the golden age of sex toys, with more products to choose from than streaming services. There’s devices that reward you for doing your kegels. Ones that gently blow air onto your clitoris. There’s even apps that allow your partner to control your toy from across the world.
Buy it and you will come. Literally.
That’s the promise at least. It’s tempting to whip out your credit card after reading the latest viral review for an awkwardly shaped vibrator. The FOMO is real when your friends rave about it all over social media. Yet testing that same toy makes you want to toss it across the room in frustration. Just because heaven and earth parted for one user doesn’t mean it’s the right toy for you.
With a plethora of pleasure products on the market, how do you find the perfect sex toy?
Spoiler alert: There’s no such thing as the the perfect sex toy.
As someone who’s been selling sex toys for almost twenty years, I love talking about them. So much so that the heroine in my romance novel Happy Endings teaches women about sexual pleasure and sells pleasure products. Nothing makes me happier than recommending toys to someone.
The most common question I receive is “What’s the best sex toy?”
Not the best sex toy for them, but the best one. Period.
My response is always the same: It depends.
Every Body Is DifferentThe first step to finding your perfect sex toy is to explore what makes you feel good. Warm up those hands and treat yourself to a masturbation session. Self-pleasure is the best way — and most fun way—to learn your body’s needs.
Keep in mind that as you experiment, the way you prefer to be touched can change. What turns you on when you’re having a solo session can vary when you’re with your partner(s). It’s totally fine to have different toys to use depending on your mood and if you’re playing with a partner.
Other factors can affect your sexual desires and needs as well: medication (such as birth control or antidepressants), menstrual cycles, vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, and stress, for starters. It may feel awkward at first, but talk to your doctor if those issues are affecting your sex drive and pleasure.
Common Types of Sex Toys
There’s a sex toy for everyone whether you’re a vulva-owner or penis-owner. Shopping for one feels like visiting a buffet at a Las Vegas casino. At first glance the options are overwhelming. Every toy promises all the orgasms you can achieve. Until the batteries run out at least.
How can you tell which one will rock your world? The most foolproof way is using the toy, which isn’t practical if you’re on a budget.
This guide will help you make an educated guess before you purchase your next pleasure product. Most sex toys can be sorted into a few categories. By comparing their basic shapes and functions to your needs, you can determine how likely they are to blow your, uh, mind.
External stimulationIn my experience, toys that stimulate the clitoris are the most popular (but only when the vulva owners were shopping for themselves and not for their cis male partners). Because most vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, it’s important to prioritize those 8,000 nerve endings on the clit when choosing a toy. (The caveat being that’s what your body enjoys.)
Toys for external stimulation are available in a wide range of sizes and shapes. If you prefer a stronger sensation on the clitoris, opt for a vibe with a smaller tip. For a broader sensation, try a toy with a larger surface area.
You can also try these toys on other erogenous zones such as breasts, inner thighs, penis and scrotum.
Toys to try: Bullet, lipstick vibes, vibrating panties, and massage wands which can provide direct clitoral stimulation.
Maude Bullet Vibe
$45Maude
We-Vibe Moxie
$130Lovehoney
Lelo Smart Wand High-Power Body Massage Vibrator
Zee Bullet Vibe
$30DamePenis havers also have multiple options for external stimulation. The most common are strokers, designed to replace hands (or mouths). They can be shaped as mouths, vulvas, or anuses and offer different textures inside. Cock rings can also be worn around the penis or scrotum to increase sensitivity.
Toys to try: Strokers can simulate various penetrative activities while cock rings will increase sensitivity to the penis or scrotum.
Internal stimulationJust because vulva owners need clit action to orgasm doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy internal stimulation. While only a small part of the clitoris peeks out between the labia, the large bundle of nerves hugs the vagina and pelvic region.
Whether you’re a girth queen or prefer something more petite, you’ll never run out of options. You can even choose between rotating beads or thrusting toys. G-spot toys are slightly curved in order to pinpoint pressure or vibration to stimulate a specific inner part of the clitoris through the vaginal wall.
Toys to try: Phallic-shaped vibrators, dildos, g-spot wands or massagers.
Elise 2 Luxury Vibrator
Luxeluv G-Spot Vibrator
Star rating: 4.7 out of 5 Key selling points: Made from “velvet-soft” silicone that is squishy to the touch, it will also arrive in discreet packaging. What customers say: “Wowsa!!!! Talk about a do it all vibrator and more!!!! I can not believe this awesome vibrator. If you want one that does it all this is it. A ton of different settings to choose from each delivery their own new sensation. The noise level is so quiet it is lower than a whisper. It is so soft and it bends almost completely all the way around. The tiny little light on the copper end is an added delight. Just plug it into any USB to charge and head off to your pleasure of choice. I used it to soothe my sore neck also. Believe me, it is a keeper. Throw out all the rest.” —Deb Martin, reviewer on Amazon
Paloqueth G Spot Finger Vibrator
Star rating: 4.3 out of 5 Key selling points: This toy fits onto your finger for “precise” pleasure. It also vibrates at nine different settings and comes with a remote control. What customers say: “It does what it's meant to and excels at it! I personally don't need the control, but if you've got a spouse, this is perfect to play with together. I love the intensities and variations of vibrations. It does not fall off your finger. It sort of suctions your finger so it stays in place. Easy to charge just leave it to charge for 2 to 3 hours or until it stops flashing. It lasts up to 50 minutes if you use it nonstop. This is great. I am so picky with my toys but I liked this one too much not to review!” —Deboralopez reviewer on Amazon$24Amazon
Sundaze Thrusting Vibrator
$190BabelandSuction or air pulse techThough suction or air pulse toys have been on the market for a while, they’ve become more popular and more affordable recently. There’s two main players in this category.
Womanizer offers toys with its patented air pulse tech. Their toys gently pulse air around the clitoris to stimulate it. Many users report achieving orgasms in seconds.
Due to the popularity (and effectiveness) of air pulse toys, other companies have created toys that gently suction around the clitoris to provide similar stimulation. Some have even added vibration to their suction toys.
Not to leave out penis owners, WOW Tech (parent company of Womanizer) released Arcwave which uses air pulse technology on the frenulum.
Toys to try: Womanizer Liberty, Satisfyer Travel Pro, Arcwave.
Womanizer Liberty
$94Amazon
Satisfyer 2
Even though most vulva owners prioritize clitoral play, sometimes you want to have your cake and eat it, too. That’s where these multitaskers come in.
Thanks to Sex and the City, the most popular style of dual stim toys is the rabbit vibe. The internal part may vibrate, twist, or thrust while the “arm” vibrates on the clitoris. This style is available in a wide range of shapes, sizes, and functions.
Another style is a small C-shaped toy designed for vulva owners to wear hands-free. The wider end of the C presses on the upper vagina wall while the smaller end rests against the clitoris. It can also be worn during penetrative sex.
Toys to try: any rabbit style vibe, We-Vibe Chorus (c-shaped toy)
Tracy's Dog Rabbit Vibrator
$23Amazon
Je Joue Rabbit Bullet Vibe
$60Babeland
The Classic Rabbit: Happy Rabbit
$96Ella Paradis
We-Vibe Chorus
$199We-VibeAnal massagersWhen done right, backdoor play is fun and exciting. Grab your lube and some beads or a plug to stimulate the sensitive nerve endings in that area.
Those with prostates may want to try toys that focus on the P-spot. While the prostate can be massaged externally, the most pleasurable way is through internal stimulation. Regular anal plugs can do this, but look for specially shaped plugs that are curved to massage the prostate.
Just be sure to always use a toy with a flared base for anal play.
Toys to try: Anal plugs and beads will provide overal stimulation. P-spot massagers are focused on the prostate.
Paloqueth Rotating Anal Vibrator
Star rating: 4.3 out of 5 Key selling points: This toy is designed to mimic the effect of anal beads, with the addition of rotation and vibration. It's also 100% waterproof. What customers say: “As always, I feel like each new toy that Paloqueth releases is better than the last, and only improves upon previous generations. This toy is no exception. From the unboxing, you can see the the toy is well-built, sleek, functional, and that Paloqueth has taken customer feedback to heart and put more brain behind this toy. The toy is smooth and comes with the great Paloqueth sample lube. This lube is the BEST I’ve used and cleans up easily. This one is built more like beads as a toy and slide in with a little more effort. All in all, a great release from Paloqueth and I look forward to using it in the bedroom again and again.” —Nathan Tamborello, reviewer on Amazon
Lelo Hugo Remote Control Prostate Massager
This luxe prostate stimulator isn’t like other adult toys on the market. The anal vibrator is motorized at the base and tip for maximum pleasure, and it even comes with a rechargeable remote control for hands-free orgasms. Reviewers love it for the silicone feel and the medium size, which makes it a great transitional toy if you're moving from beginner to intermediate.What to look for when shopping for a toy
Now that you’re familiar with the most common types of sex toys, here are some tips on buying them:
- Sometimes less is more. It’s tempting to purchase a toy with 25+ vibrating functions, but most people find a handful of modes they enjoy and stick with it. We’re creatures of habit.
- Read reviews with a grain of salt. Remember that not all toys will work for everyone, so look for reviews that highlight the type of stimulation you’re looking for
- If you’re trying a new-to-you style of toy, purchase an inexpensive one to test out. Aim for a mid-priced toy as cheaper ones may be of lower quality and will frustrate you.
- Warranties. Look for a brand that offers at least a 1-year warranty, especially if you’re purchasing a luxury toy.
- Upgrade to rechargeable toys when possible. They’ve become much more affordable and are more environmentally friendly.
With these tips, you’re on your way to finding the perfect sex toy for your body.
Thien-Kim Lam is a sex educator, sex toy expert, and the founder of Bawdy Bookworms. You can buy her debut novel Happy Endings here.
This story originally appeared on: Glamour - Author:Thien-Kim Lam
