The author, businesswoman, and pastor's latest book will reframe the way you think about putting yourself first.
Sarah Jakes Roberts Is Practicing Soul Care, Not Just Self Care
Sarah Jakes Roberts is a wild woman. Not wild in the traditional sense, exactly, but a woman that is confident that she can master everything she takes on. She's so confident, in fact, that the businesswoman, pastor, motivational speaker, and bestselling author has named the final chapter in her latest book, Woman Evolve: Break Up with Your Fears and Revolutionize Your Life, “Wild Woman.”
“It was important to me that “Wild Woman” is how we end the book," says Roberts. "Because it's my call for us women to think about our lives and careers as a series of dreams realized, that doesn't end with the first dream." A term that fights the very skewed narrative about womanhood—a Wild Woman simply doesn't choose. She can have the children, climb the ladder, and launch her business. "And wild because at the end of the day, sis, you can be incredible in the boardroom and need a therapist for your toxic relationship," says Roberts. That is to say—we can have all things together on one side and still be a work in progress on the other.
Inspired by an in-depth look at the infamous Biblical Eve and her journey in the wilderness, Robert takes readers into a fresh perspective—revealing Eve in a light not often depicted in religious spaces. A character so often vilified in history, many fail to remember that Eve's moment in that garden is only a portion of her story. It's not the fullness of her story. “I needed to tell Eve's story because Eve's story is my story," reads an excerpt in her book. "And we've all got some Eve in us," says Roberts. You know, those “oops” moments where we knew better but didn't exactly do better.
Roberts' pride in seeing women live out their fullest potential has led her to her life's work. The very reason she calls her book and the larger movement, Woman Evolve. ”If you're ready to dig into this with me, and I hope that you are, you'll need to access the parts of you that you don't often take the time to explore," says Roberts to her readers. So, for Glamour's latest edition of Doing the Work, Roberts is redefining how we look at self care by introducing soul care into the mix.
A useful piece of advice she'd give her younger self:
Speak up. I received a lot of projections from other people about who they thought I would be or what they thought I could do. So much so that when I felt like I couldn't live up to that projection, I quit altogether, instead of recognizing that what they were having is a conversation, not a declaration—that I had the opportunity to say, "I can see why you think that about me, but I feel like I would be better in this space.”
Women who helped gauge her potential:
As a teen mom, I had three idols: Whoopi Goldberg, who had a child as a teenager, Oprah Winfrey, and then [media tycoon] Cathy Hughes. In them, I saw that you could be successful as a Black woman after having a child. But as a woman of faith, I didn't see anything that allowed my faith to be mirrored in that success. I questioned if both could live in the same space. And I spent a long time feeling like they can't.
The piece of professional advice that's always stuck with her:
Brené Brown always asks the question, “What's a piece of advice you've been given that's so bad you need to warn others?” And a piece of advice that I received that I actually didn't listen to, and I'm glad I didn't, is to give the people what they want. So go wild. Be crazy. Don't try and fit in a box, anyone's box. The faith box, the culture box, the corporate box. Don't worry about the box, be you. Sweet and spicy or sweet and sour. Do and be all of the things and then fall in love with the fact that you're free enough to live in this space that is uncultivated because it's fit just for you.
The most misunderstood thing about what she does:
As a person of faith, it is very easy to be considered strict, rigid, and unflinching. And I feel like that's a big misunderstanding because I am so free and open, and I feel gracious with other people's lives, other people's paths, and so I hope to undo that.
One lesson she learned the hard way:
Finding the balance between motivating a community of women and working on myself. Often, we think we need to get to the finish line before we can inspire others. And part of what I have found confidence in is not the finished product. My confidence is in my ability to let you know wherever I am in the process. So if I'm having a good day and I feel great, I share that. If I'm having a low day and I feel inadequate, I share that. My confidence is in the fact that I don't have to pretend. And making the room and space to be authentic.
How she sets boundaries:
I think my mom's really good at this. Everyone knows my dad [pastor and filmmaker T.D. Jakes], but my mom is really underrated, and she's definitely taught me how to set boundaries. And I've learned to do it by not allowing the metrics to determine my effectiveness because when you're giving people what you have and not what they want, it doesn't always compute with the metrics, right? It doesn't always translate with the likes and the deals and the opportunities and the investments, but the fact that you're able to live from your soul and say I did what I was meant to do.
Her definition of soul care:
When people talk about self care in a lot of instances, it's you need to get your hair done, you need to get your nails done. Maybe you go for a massage or a run because all those are very important aspects to our physical self. And yet soul care is this deeper ability. I'm ingesting all of this stuff on Facebook, media, the news, my family, at my job, how is this affecting my soul, to think that we are exposed to so much pollution. And so soul care, I feel like it allows us to do self care from a place of confidence because we're doing it from our soul. I don't want to be dressed up on the outside and have a good hair day and yet my soul is falling apart. And so from the place of soul care, I can really turn to what my body needs. Sometimes my body needs rest, sometimes my body needs prayer and meditation.
Her workday essentials:
I keep that Got2b Glued in my purse because the wigs like to slip, and that's not what God has taught us to do. He doesn't want our wig moving.
I also keep Laura Mercier powders and mattifying powder in my bag, whether I have makeup on or not, just because it takes the shine off my face.
And every morning and night, it does not fail. I don't care how tired I am. I do my skincare routine, which is by Derm7. It's not even a very nationally known brand, although it should be because it has done wonders for my skin.
This story originally appeared on: Glamour - Author:Condé Nast
