For the first time in four years, I wanted some D.
My Last Five Dates: Dalgona Coffee, A Motorbike Ride, and Sleeping With Men Again
When the pandemic hit, I hadn’t dated anyone since the previous October, when my blink-and-you-miss-it “relationship” with a woman in an open marriage, ended in me being dumped via Facebook messenger on their wedding anniversary. I had been living in Thailand and by the time March rolled around, I was completely over my life there. But mass lockdowns and travel bans put a stop to any repatriate plans I might have conjured up.
Staying in Thailand during those beginning months of COVID-19 turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Holed up in a traditional house in the backwoods of Chiang Mai, I set out to put all my newfound universe-imposed free time to good use. I taught myself how to ride a motorbike, whipped up viral TikTok recipes (Dalgona coffee anyone?), and took on other quirky alone-time hobbies like bullet journaling. I made good use of my time, if I do say so myself, but when I lay down at night, I couldn’t shake this feeling that seemed to be growing steadily inside of me: I wanted some dick.
So, I set out to find some.
Date 1With operation get-some-dick under way, I headed to the one place I knew I’d find a sea of men, eager to stick their dicks in a new vagina: Tinder.
My aggressive swiping resulted in a first for me: a virtual date. I scheduled a Zoom coffee meet-up with Steven*, an older, white guy from Edinburgh who had been in Thailand for however many years teaching English. As I sat on my porch sipping my Dalgona coffee, we exchanged pleasantries and typical first date questions and had a pleasant enough conversation, but I knew he would not be the one to break my four-year penis fast. For one thing, he gave off major #mediocrewhiteman vibes. Hardly asking me anything about myself, he boasted about how his students describing him as the “best teacher they’ve ever had.” Ultimately, I just wasn’t attracted to him.
Date 2I met a few other guys off Tinder, like Dwayne*, an early 40’s, divorced, Black Brit who was—you guessed it—teaching high school at an International school just outside of Chiang Mai. We met for lunch at a local vegetarian restaurant. I knew right away that I didn't care for the place he’d chosen, but not wanting to come across as difficult or picky, I agreed to meet him anyway the following weekend.
Right away, I was a bit disappointed. Well, maybe disappointed is the wrong word, rather my date with Dwayne was a reminder of the antiquated gender rules that govern the heterosexual dating game. I wore a full-face of makeup and a cute J Crew sundress, while Dwayne showed up in a t-shirt and some gym shorts. As I picked at my flavorless cashew nut rice I made a silent mental note to speak up the next time someone suggests a restaurant I’m not into.
Date 3He’s cute, right? I typed to my friend Isaiah as I sent him a screenshot of Danny*, the guy I was going on a second date with. “Ooooh, he is. And he looks just like your type, only in guy form. LOL.”
Danny, another tinder find, is closer to my age and originally from the Midwest too.
He is tall, thin, and lanky just like I like, with a head full of afro-kinky curls and a pretty fit body from years of training in Muay Thai. We video chat for close to an hour talking about our favorite music, what our midwestern parents make of our wanderlust, and how hard it is to find products for our hair in Thailand. We met up for coffee—at a place of my choosing—in the city center. All these months later, I don’t remember much about our conversation, but I do recall enjoying it.
For our second (and last) date, we made plans to meet up and ride our motorbikes up the mountains to Wat Doi Suthep, a local religious temple and tourist destination a few miles outside of Chiang Mai. Our second meet-up was much more awkward than our first interactions. I was about 15 minutes late. (In all fairness, I had just started riding a motorbike and navigation was…not my thing.) We finally made our way up to the temple but unfortunately, didn’t seem to have much to talk about.
I bust my ass on our way back down. I never learned how to drive a car and basically taught myself how to ride the motorbike—as such, my turns were for shit. Danny patched me up with a first-aid kit he had on his bike for just such occasions, and then taught me how to make a proper turn. I like to think because of him I didn’t become roadkill.
Date 4Tim has been my best friend since our days living in the Berkeley student cooperative houses when I asked to carpool with him to downtown San Francisco the day of an important internship interview.
Living in different countries, we don’t see each other much, but thankfully still find time to send funny memes and curated playlists full of our favorite 90’s R&B jams to one another. A few days before Thanksgiving we decided to have a friend date on Zoom. We make the same coffeecake recipe in real-time and have a chat over coffee and tea as it cools.
Date 5I’ve known K.C.* since we were 13 and I’ve been sweet on him for that long too. “I still remember when you kissed me after 8th grade graduation,” he sometimes teases me. The first time he mentioned it, I didn’t even know what he was talking about until he prodded a bit more, unlocking a memory I didn’t even know I had. Smiling coyly to myself, I counter that it was a kiss on the cheek, and therefore, doesn’t count.
K.C. and I have kept in touch over the years via Facebook messages, and lately, the occasional video chat. I like him. He’s funny, smart, kind, and inquisitive. No longer a lanky teenager, his long cornrow braids are gone, and he is bald, but in a sexy way. The birthmark on the left side of his mouth is covered by a bushy beard, and his body is now covered in muscles that are etched with tattoos. His dick is big too. I know this because of a full-frontal pic (that I requested.) Our flirting intensifies and one day, he asks me for pictures of my feet. I oblige, casually mentioning I’ll be in town soon to visit the ‘rents for the holiday season.
The first time we see each other, we meet up for dinner, and then fuck later. The sex is good, and he gives me everything I’ve been missing from my sexual encounters with men. I feel desired when he looks at me, and comfortable when I sit in his lap, or when he wraps his arms around me.
I end up staying in my hometown for four months taking care of business. K.C. and I hang out and hook up a few more times before I fly to Mexico, and we resume our friendship as it was before.
*Names have been changed.
This story originally appeared on: Glamour - Author:Lovely Brown
