Denebian Glamour’s what’s hot and what’s not for the next millennium
All you need to know on the latest trends across the Galaxy!
We know that our readers are busy galactic travellers who don’t have time to check a new think-piece every time some little planet does a twirl! With that in mind, here’s your guide to what’s hot and what’s not for the entire next millennium!
HOT
Green goo. Algae that evolve life differently based on the environment they’re placed in. Very hot for your planetary settlement needs — as long as you have filed the proper exploration permits that the planet is indeed free of previous life!
NOT
Grey goo. We understand that nano-assemblers are a tempting shortcut; who among us has not experimented at least once. But sooner or later we all lose a major habitat to them, and can we just skip that part? Can we … not, Galaxy? Nano-assemblers only seem like they’re assembling for your benefit; eventually they’re just assembling, period. And assembling and assembling. You know it, they know it, every spacefaring civilization has to kick the habit. There are counsellors you can talk to, just stop it. You’re better than this. Or you should be by now.
HOT
Vaporizing comets. In well-studied systems, of course — give the science wonks a chance to figure out what’s in a new system. A century or two should be enough. But then have at it, vaporize those little suckers, they’ve got water, we all can use water for one thing or another, light ’em up. Why not? Nothing goes boom like a comet nobody’s living on. (CHECK THAT NOBODY’S LIVING ON IT, YOU BARBARIANS. WE WILL NOT BE LIABLE FOR THIS ENDORSEMENT IN ANY COURT CASES.)
NOT
Vaporizing other people’s moons. Come on, we need those for tidal forces and stuff! Not to mention that many planets have a strong cultural attachment to their moon. You can’t just vaporize them because you’re bored, need the energy, or whatever your excuse was. Not cool.
HOT
Respecting all species configurations. Build your space stations with plenty of airlocks! Just the in-and-out ones is not enough any more! It is 30667 Deneb Standard, folks, we all know we’re going to be running into different kinds of life, so why are some of you still building your stations like they’re only going to have to hold one atmosphere mix? Get it together or you will not make the Denebian Glamour Special Travel Issue.
NOT
The word ‘throuple’. Stop trying to make this happen, humans. You did not succeed in making the default term for a three-human social unit ‘throuple’ in decades of your own history, and the three-individual reproductive species hate it just as much as humans do. Let it die a natural death like so many of your human trends. Bring the pet rock back instead, everyone liked that one. Especially the silicate-based life forms of the dimmer Hyades systems, they’re happy to sell you theirs if you pass their breeders’ home inspections.
HOT
Individual space suits. Freedom, the stars! Sure, there’s greater risk when you EVA, but can anything compare to hanging out there in the black, gazing out at … everything? Make your checklist and check it three times, but then go, go, go!
NOT
Shuttlecraft. BORING. Necessary sometimes, sure, but small ships use a lot of fuel compared with EVAs and don’t give you the same thrill. For our money, it’s just you and the stars, every time. Get out there and do it yourself whenever you get the chance! Save your piloted time for when you absolutely have to.
HOT
Cucumbers. We know, we know, they’re proverbially cool! But the new ‘it’ vegetable for the next millennium is … cucumbers! Versatile and high in water-content, easy to grow around FTL drives, cucumbers can be consumed by many species, though not, of course, the Tuvalians. But even for the Tuvalians, they’re useful fuel, so win–win!
NOT
Sandworm nachos. The toppings don’t stick to the sandworms, this trend was doomed from the start, please stop. The only acceptable dip for fried sandworms is toum, we established this last millennium, you have to keep up with the rotation of the galactic mass.
HOT
The bulge. Shorter commutes, lots of resources, the inner Galaxy has it all. If you’re looking to move, definitely consider the bulge. If you’re not looking to move … start looking. This is the millennium to do it, while there are still plenty of planets that can be tailored to your species needs and stars that haven’t burnt out or been swallowed by black holes.
NOT
Hitting the bars. Sorry, outer Galaxy, I know you’ve had a good couple of rotations with everybody enjoying the greater space you afford, but the trend has shifted to consolidation and the amenities the bulge provides. The stars out in the outer bars are nice and all, but it’s just such a long trip to anything that you’re never going to see your neighbours. You’ll barely know anyone’s there! And if you want that, you can move to the Coalsack and still live in the bulge and pop out for easy socializing when you want to.
That’s it for this time, but if you want to stay in line with the ecliptic, always check Denebian Glamour for all the best tips on what’s hot and what’s not in this millennium!
The story behind the story
Marissa Lingen reveals the inspiration behind Denebian Glamour’s what’s hot and what’s not for the next millennium.
There are advantages and disadvantages to being a science nerd and a language nerd at the same time. Sometimes it’s a source of entertainment, to look at the sign advertising conventional bananas and wonder where the nuclear bananas are. Other times I find myself annoyed or confounded — as in this winter when I encountered a headline informing me, “Protein Is In!” Good thing for me, I thought, I’m substantially made of the stuff, think of the trouble I’d have if proteins were out.
But it got me thinking about all the things that are treated as subjects of fashion — and science fiction, of course, has its fashions just as any other field. Grey goo nanotech is more or less ‘out’, we’ve mined that vein. Psychic powers were very much in for the middle of the twentieth century, and now they’re rarely seen in written science fiction (although superhero movies — themselves a fashion trend that might be on the wane — still seem to consider psychic powers part of the furniture of their subgenre). What else might be in and out of fashion for the Galaxy, from the ridiculous to the sublime?
doi: https://doi.org/10.1038/d41586-024-02766-y
This story originally appeared on: Nature - Author:Marissa Lingen
